Has it been six years now? I suppose so... I still recalled the first day I reported to the JKN of Kedah and after which I went straight ahead to the hospital to report to the director; requesting for a day off so that I can sort things out by moving my stuffs into the old worn down quarters. How it still lingers in my mind! The bit of it which is depressing and the bit of it which is of utmost stress. I recalled a band of other house officers who have just freshly graduated from universities joining me in the ordeal. These band of house officers, would later become my best buddies to which we have parted ways over so many years back.
Looking back at all those years of training in Alor Setar, from the time I stepped foot into the medical ward working my behind off up till the time where I called the shots, it has been quite rather, an exciting time. Of all the things that cropped up in my training in Hospital Alor Setar, which is now known as Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah Alor Setar; are some of the bad things and some of the great things. I recalled being placed in one of the busiest ward with one of the malignant superiors to which I got a real scolding and a real bashing time for having difficulty in remembering 20-30 cases per day and being slow in executing multiple orders in one time. Ahh... yes, you see... we didn't have computers then... LOL! Just joking... but pens getting inked out in a day is quite a common sight.
I wanted to succumb back then with all those stresses in life but I decided otherwise. I brushed up my skills and knowledge and said no, I won't give up that easily! Coz, it has been five years of medical education and I should be the one who knows better not to quit so easily despite how tragic negative comments may seem to sound. I still recalled being terrorised on my birthday, which so happens to be the first month of my working life and a post active call day. I still remembered vividly who the specialist was back then who didn't give me an inch of leeway to compose myself after each case. I had a hard time back then day after day when I was pitted into that ward under him, but I slowly improved.
I wanted to show him what I was really made of and I did just that. A few days before I finished my medical rotation, he invited me to join medical as an MO and congratulated me for my upward improvements. I recalled back then an MO from a surgical rotation who saw me cooked up in one corner of the medical ward, all flustered and stressed up from the hard work and he reminded me with a few words that gave me that sense of encouragement to push on. He was my senior back then in my alma mater and is still my senior right now working extremely hard and smart in the field of surgery. I still recalled what he said to me - "this will all come to past" and that was and I quoted, the exact same words he told me. And indeed, it did came to past. I'm not sure whether he could still recall what he said, but he did just that and it worked miracles for me and I can't even begin to thank him.
Fast forward after that, I was given the opportunity to work with some of the most fearsome senior colleagues in all respective fields of medicine, but I endured and endeavoured and as I looked back, it was a great experience back then. Being reprimanded and confronted with all those setbacks be it major or minor was a reminder that these people actually cared enough to correct my wrongs and that I just had to be humble enough to suck it all up and learn. Otherwise, I would not have been where I am today, sitting in the position that I never thought would be possible or would have materialised had I not put in enough effort to improve.
And as I shed my years of training as a house officer and embraced the call of duty to be a medical officer, I applied some of the good things and some of the great things that I've learned over those tenure of mine as a junior doctor. Being quite a true junior in the field of cardiology and medicine, one can't help but acknowledge the fact that I was quite an arrogant one back then with a hot head that is just about to burst an inch to those who irritate me. It was quite apparent that I have inherited some bad pointers as well. Perhaps this was some form of a stress reliever after those harsh trainings as a house officer, and it was perhaps an excuse to just get rid of those tensions build up over the final moments of graduating? Whatever that was, I learned my mistakes and it took me a matter of a year and a half to mellow down just in time for my preparation of the MRCP exams. God pitted me with some of the most gruesome specialists that made me stood my toes and learned quick. This really humbled me a lot and I started to take into consideration the improvement of my attitude and character/personality over stages of time.
As I grew over the past four years, I could mirror myself to be lesser of a person who gets easily irritable unless of course if there is a valid reason to be and that I can reflect that all those hard work has actually paid off. I will continue to do so, to work hard and to learn from my masters in both fields of cardiology and internal medicine so as to live up to their expectations and not to let them down.
In addition to that, deviating from the main point, there is in fact something that I picked up from where I worked for so long. I spent most of my early days in the department of cardiology with excellent bosses who cared for their subordinate's wellbeing up to the point that they would place their extreme trust on us. That some times we do take things for granted but over often which, after that dipping point, we know that we just need to pick up and work hard from then on so as not to disrespect our superior's trust. Somehow, I felt that this was the best way to earn someone's trust at work or at play as they would place a significant role or duty/responsibility in a person's heart and motivate them to push on and work harder. This was the key ingredient in making me understand what working as a team really is and what it really means. Scoldings for a fact should be left towards the last resort as I found it out the hard way over time. My cardio bosses seems to have know this way earlier and it was remarkable on how this would influence my decision makings later on.
I enjoyed a great deal of time whilst in cardiology. I developed and honed my skills in the management of cardiology diseases and results interpretation up to a point that it became second nature. I fell in love with it and it seemed so right if I just continued on after passing my postgraduate exams. Yet, that was not to be. Perhaps, God has given me a different calling that I need to heed before placing emphasis on my own heart's desire. Thus, I'm taking up that challenge and heading off to Sabah to look out for what God's calling is for me. I've yet to know what I'll be asked to do there in the extension of HIS Kingdom and for HIS sake, but I believe that this will be slowly revealed to me in stages as I step foot there and learn from the locals on how life is lived and how people communicate.
As for the friends I've made in the Peninsular, well... not to worry as I'll be back sooner than you know it. Hopefully... this really depends on what God wants me to do, but I believe it's gonna be big! =) Coz going to Sabah alone is a huge commitment and an instantaneous decision that I've made after praying.
I'll see you guys! Thanks a bunch to all of those who've helped me through my years as a house officer, medical officer and a junior specialist. God bless!
